Today I had to have blood work done…again. No biggie, my veins are used to it. However, today I noticed something quite disturbing on my orders. On the top of the page, in bold lettering, marked with asterisks, was the following:
***High risk of falling***
Great, my secret is out.
I blame the hospital for this. See, I had to be hospitalized for a few days back in September, and while I was being admitted into a room, the nurse was asking a ridiculous amount of questions, one of which was “Have you felt dizzy?”
Well, of course I had. My vision was blurry and my left leg just wasn’t cooperating with the rest of my body. You try walking normal feeling like Mr. Magoo in a leg sling, without being dizzy.
After admitting that yes, I do feel dizzy, the nurse says,”Well, my friend, that makes you a fall risk.” He then proceeds to give me 2 things:
1. This lovely bright yellow hospital bracelet, complete with the words “Fall Risk” boldly printed on it.
As he fashions this new accessory to my wrist, a sudden thought hit me.
Oh, dear God… It’s official.
I have a Spaz Tag.
That’s right, people. Read ’em and weep. I have a SPAZ TAG!!! You think you’re clumsy? Got proof of that? I do!
Bow down to the Queen of Spaz!
2. Along with my lovely bracelet, I was also given these nice, warm socks.
Aren’t they cute? See the pretty yellow? Doesn’t that just make you think of sunshine? No, I instantly thought of Big Bird. And caution signs.
Just take a minute to look at these things. Know what I first noticed? That they have rubber nubs (can I say ‘nubs’?) on both sides of the socks. Both sides! Why would you possibly need traction on the top of your feet? If you are falling because of the top of your feet, I think you need more than just a Spaz Tag.
How does one do that, anyway?
This all struck me as quite funny, and I couldn’t help but laugh. The nurse probably thought I was crazy. He would soon get used to my sense of humor.
One night, while taking vitals at 3am, he tells me, “Your temp is 94.5, and your blood pressure is 75 over 41.” Even half asleep, I realized that these numbers seemed a tad low. So, I asked the obvious question…”Seriously? Am I dead?”
He laughed, I laughed. Was the situation funny? Absolutely not! I hated being in the hospital, having people come in at all hours of the night and day, just to violate me. I hated that my sweet little boys were scared and wanted their mommy. I hated that my husband was camped out at the hospital, sleeping on a fold out couch.
But I laughed regardless. Because sometimes, you have to choose to laugh or cry. I choose to laugh. Life is too short; my time is too precious. God gave me a sense of humor, and no matter how corny it may be, I choose to use it to make serious situations less serious.
So, even if you’re labeled as a “Spaz,” just laugh it off. Find the positive of your situation, because regardless of how dim it may be, there is some light somewhere. And, if you’re having a hard time finding the positives, turn to someone who can be a little more objective–a friend, a family member, a pastor. (Just make sure you’re turning to a positive person; no one needs negativity in their life.)
And, if you see me, steer clear. Because if I fall, I may take you down with me.