Phil-ism Friday…Lookin’ Good

“Phil-ism”…something said or done by The Younger Boy that incites laughter, bewilderment, or joy.

Today’s edition: getting ready for Christmas Eve Mass.

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“I think this shirt’s too big.  I feel like a hobbit in a human shirt.”

10 Minutes later, however, he finds that the shirt fits just fine:

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“If I was a girl, I’d date me.  I look hot!”

We definitely need to work on humility.  Geez…

 

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The Misadventures of Puck

We have joined the legions of other parents in doing the whole “Elf on the Shelf” thing, but as I stated in this previous post, we are doing things a little differently than normal.

Just to recap, our elf was kicked out of the North Pole.  Apparently, he had an unfortunate fruitcake accident and has been acting like a little jerk ever since.  Seeing that he needed some discipline, Santa left him here so the boys can teach him to be good again.

There will actually be a lesson for the kids in the end of all this.  But, for now, I’m just using this elf for my own selfish entertainment purposes.

Here are his adventures since last week:

 

Day 9…Puck “steals” the canned goods from The Younger Boy’s food drive to make a throne for himself.  He then proceeds to eat a cookie.  Because he is a selfish jerk.

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Day 10…Puck finds a way to deal, while living with our family.  Not the best way to handle your problems, pal.

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I can’t believe we found alcohol in our house!  The Husband and I aren’t drinkers (not that we are against alcohol, we just don’t drink it), the wine was left over from a recent party and I think the Crown Royal was a gift years ago.  If Crown ages, it should be pretty good by now!

After the night of drunkenness, Philip felt like Puck needed an intervention.  So, when he got home from school, he made this:

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According to Philip, Puck would be nicer if he had a warm bed.  Seeing a need to be filled, he made Puck a room, complete with a bed, blanket, pillow, and even a book!  I’m so glad he’s promoting literacy!

On another note, I know this is all fun and games, but I am glad that Philip is showing compassion.  He said that sometimes people are mean because they have a sad life (like not having a home), and that we should help people, rather than judge them.  There’s a lesson that we can all learn…such a smart boy!

 

Day 11…Puck makes it personal when he messes with my yarn.

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Not really.  I wasn’t going to use this yarn anyway.  I’m not one to make an unnecessary mess…”ain’t nobody got time for that!”

 

Day 12…Tired of us, Puck attempts to escape.

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Day 13…Puck shows how much of a sicko he is when he takes apart the Lego people.

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The next morning, The Husband says, “Philip!  I can’t believe that Puck decapitated your Lego people!”

To which Philip responded, “That’s ok Dad.  I already re-capitated some of them.”

 

Day 14…Puck acts like a teenager and takes a selfie.

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This one really impressed The Younger Boy because later that day, we “found” Puck’s selfie on my phone.

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You can actually see The Husband’s arm in it, but Philip never noticed.  He was in awe of this one, because “There’s no way you did it, Mom!  You’d be in the picture!!!”

I feel like such a liar…

 

Those are the misadventures of Puck so far.  If you’re actually reading this whimsical nonsense, congratulations!!!  You win a prize…or something.

What will happen next?  Will Puck learn to behave himself?  Will he ever stop tormenting our toys?  Can someone so bad ever be good?  (Cue suspenseful music.)

Stay tuned to find out…

 

Phil-ism Friday…Dear Santa

I know all kids are special in their own ways, but Philip truly amazes me.  Check out his letter to Santa:

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In case you can’t see his words or understand his handwriting/spelling, here’s what his letter says:

Dear Santa,

Merry early Christmas.  Do you ever sleep?  Do you ever vacation?  Puck’s horrible Santa!  I’m a big fan of your work.  How can you get around the world?  How many presents can your gang <make?> in one day?  For Christmas, can I please have=

A Kindle

Legos

Books

Crayons

Coloring Book

Mom to feel good

No weapons in 1 week

Ninjas

Ninja Turtle toys

Movies

***Puck is our horrible Elf on a Shelf.***

I’m on his Christmas list, along with a version of world peace.  How sweet is that?!?  My boys are so exceptional!

On another note, I find it hilarious that he wants there to be no more weapons but then asks for a ninja.  I guess ninjas are so dangerous, they don’t need weapons.

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I also find it disturbing that he is asking for ninjas, rather than ninja toys (as specified for other things).  Is he wanting a real life ninja?  I wouldn’t be surprised if that were the case.  Does Santa deliver other humans as gifts?

If so, I want a maid.

Payback Works!

Well, it’s the end of the day, and I can safely say that we have been spared of any April Fool’s pranks.  The Younger Boy has been talking about pranking us for months, and I was starting to wonder if he was really going to pull something.  However, thanks to The Husband, I think Philip learned that pranks are no fun.

Yesterday afternoon I hear the following:

“Philip, you’re going to have to go to bed early tonight.” –Jeremy

“Why?  We don’t have school.” –Philip Continue reading

Phil-ism Friday #7

Today’s Phil-isms were said when he was six-years-old.

 

The definition of hypocrisy…some kid was just making noise in the store, and Philip had the audacity to say, “Where’s the mute button on that kid?!?”

 

‎”Here comes Dad! Act normal.” –John Edward
“Ok…you got it!” Then he begins to yodel. Because apparently, that is normal for Philip.

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“John, you’re such a J-R-K!” –Philip
“Philip!!! You didn’t even spell it right.” –Me
“Oh, sorry. J-E-R-K!”
“Correct. Now go sit in the corner! That was very ugly!”
I gotta have my priorities, right?

 

“Mom, I don’t sweat.  I leak.”

Car “Game” with The Younger Boy

“Mom, want to play a game?  Let’s ask each other a bunch of questions about each other.  I want to know more about you.”  –Philip

“Well, how could I say no to that!!!  Of course, you go first.”

“Do you think Little-Girl-In-His-Class-Who-Will-Remain-Anonymous-To-Spare-Him-Future-Embarrassment is cute?”

“Yes, she’s a cute little girl.  Why do you like her?”

“Umm…because she’s cute.  (Insert ‘duh mom’ eye roll)  What’s your favorite color?”  Apparently, he didn’t want to further discuss Cute Girl.

“Blue.  What’s your favorite book?”

“The Magic Treehouse books.  What was your favorite book when you were a little girl?”

“Hmmm…I had so many!  I’ll go with Anne of Green Gables and the Nancy Drew books.  What’s your favorite movie?”

“Mom!  You know I have a bunch!  Alvin and the Chipmunks, Sharkboy and Lavagirl, SpyKids, Charlotte’s Web, Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles...”

“Ok, sorry I asked.  You can stop now.”  <giggling>

“Who was your best friend when you were a little girl?  Not high school, when you were little.”

“At school, it was a girl named Denise.  In our neighborhood, it was Anna and Amanda.  Who’s your best friend?”

“Grant!  You should know that!”  <laughing hysterically at my stupidity>

After a few moments of quiet thought…“I can’t think of any more right now.  You can ask me more, though.”

“Ok, how do you feel about having a brother who’s special?”

Continue reading

Yippie Ki Yay???

Some people wake up to the sounds of music.  Some people wake up to the sounds of nature.  Some people are awakened with a kiss.  However, in our house, there are no soothing, calming ways to arise.

Not when The Younger Boy is around.

He is always the first one up, and he usually wakes up happy, but Saturday was a special occasion.  He was making his first Confession.  So, I wasn’t too surprised when he ran into the room at 7am, galloping and singing this little ditty:

“I’m making my first confession, first confession, doo doo da doo!  Whoop whoop!  Yippie Ki Yay!”

Continue reading