Phil-ism Friday…Lookin’ Good

“Phil-ism”…something said or done by The Younger Boy that incites laughter, bewilderment, or joy.

Today’s edition: getting ready for Christmas Eve Mass.

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“I think this shirt’s too big.  I feel like a hobbit in a human shirt.”

10 Minutes later, however, he finds that the shirt fits just fine:

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“If I was a girl, I’d date me.  I look hot!”

We definitely need to work on humility.  Geez…

 

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Puck…Friend or Foe?

While unpacking Christmas decorations this year, The Husband came across something we had both forgotten about…an Elf on the Shelf.  I had forgotten that my parents had bought him for us last year after Christmas, and although my boys are a little old for him, I knew we could have some family fun with this little guy.

But what?

See, my boys are 8 and 11, and The Younger Boy is so smart that we think he figured out Santa’s secret in kindergarten.  He was asking many philosophical questions about The Big Guy at the age of 5–it was both impressive and exhausting.  So, I figured he wouldn’t believe that some toy we found in a box of decorations suddenly came alive each night.

Plus, I kind of have a problem with the whole “Elf is watching you” concept.  Isn’t that what Santa is supposed to do?  And, my kids don’t need to worry about elves and Santa watching anyway–Mom and Dad are much scarier.  My boys are supposed to behave simply because they are called to by following God’s Commandments; not because it reaps new toys on Christmas morning.

So, after giving it some thought, I decided to be selfish and have some fun with the Elf that would be entertaining to me.  I know, it’s supposed to be for kids.  They’re enjoying this too, trust me.

Without further adieu, here’s our spin on the Elf on the Shelf:

In usual Elf on the Shelf fashion, he was dropped off by Santa.

Actually, he was thrown out of the North Pole.

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Kicking and screaming, Puck (notice his name is Puck?  We don’t even have cutesy elf names in this house, we go the literary route.  We’re weird, I know…)  was brought here against his will.  Apparently, he had an unfortunate fruitcake accident, and for unknown reasons, has been acting like a little jerk ever since.  So, the boys have to teach the Elf to be good so he can return to the North Pole.

That should be a challenge…

Day 2…Puck shows the other toys that there’s a new sheriff in town.

Showing the toys who's boss!

Showing the toys who’s boss!

The Younger Boy got a huge kick out of this.  He woke up in the morning, running in our room and giggling, saying “I knew Puck was bad, but I didn’t know he was that bad!”

Day 3…Puck sets up in the shower curtain to peep on bathroom goers.

Little pervert...

Little pervert…

The kids couldn’t even find him this morning.  I had to give hints–“I think he’s violating your privacy today…don’t go to the bathroom without making sure you’re alone…we need to find him, I think he needs psychiatric help.”

I know this one is a bit inappropriate, but I feel it’s only fitting for such a creepy looking toy!    Look at that face!

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Just LOOK at it, y’all!  Who made this thing?  Can you imagine that conversation?

Let’s make an Elf that watches the kids!  

That’s a great idea!  But, what should said elf look like?

Magical?  Nah.

Cute?  Nah.

Creepy?  Yes!  Yes, that’s it!  Let’s give him eyes that follow you around the room and a smile that you only see on pedophiles!  That’s more than appropriate for kids!  I mean, he IS watching them, right?

When The Husband first took him out of the box, he put him on the couch, close to me.  This is what I saw every time I looked over my shoulder:

elf

At first I laughed, but over time, I got thoroughly weirded out.  Even The Younger Boy said he looked like a stalker.  Actually, he referred to it as a “Christmas-time Chucky.”  (Have I mentioned lately that I love that kid?)

Day 4…Puck calls out for help.

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Day 5…Puck continues to torment the toys.

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Day 6 & 7…Puck flirts with our angel.

Hey Baby, what's your sign?

Hey Baby, what’s your sign?

And it looks like she’s not having any of it!  Stay strong, sister, stay strong!

The boys slept away, so the angel was stuck with Puck for 2 days.

Day 8…Let them eat cake!

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We had a birthday party for The Older Boy yesterday, so Puck ate some cake in the middle of the night.

 

There you have it.  The adventures of Puck thus far.

What will become of our new friend/nemesis?  Will he learn to be good?  Is there any hope for him?

I never miss an opportunity to teach the boys something worthy.  So, there will be a lesson in the end of all of this, and it will tie into our faith.

Stay tuned…  :)

 

Payback Works!

Well, it’s the end of the day, and I can safely say that we have been spared of any April Fool’s pranks.  The Younger Boy has been talking about pranking us for months, and I was starting to wonder if he was really going to pull something.  However, thanks to The Husband, I think Philip learned that pranks are no fun.

Yesterday afternoon I hear the following:

“Philip, you’re going to have to go to bed early tonight.” –Jeremy

“Why?  We don’t have school.” –Philip Continue reading

Phil-ism Friday #7

Today’s Phil-isms were said when he was six-years-old.

 

The definition of hypocrisy…some kid was just making noise in the store, and Philip had the audacity to say, “Where’s the mute button on that kid?!?”

 

‎”Here comes Dad! Act normal.” –John Edward
“Ok…you got it!” Then he begins to yodel. Because apparently, that is normal for Philip.

yodeling boy

“John, you’re such a J-R-K!” –Philip
“Philip!!! You didn’t even spell it right.” –Me
“Oh, sorry. J-E-R-K!”
“Correct. Now go sit in the corner! That was very ugly!”
I gotta have my priorities, right?

 

“Mom, I don’t sweat.  I leak.”

Car “Game” with The Younger Boy

“Mom, want to play a game?  Let’s ask each other a bunch of questions about each other.  I want to know more about you.”  –Philip

“Well, how could I say no to that!!!  Of course, you go first.”

“Do you think Little-Girl-In-His-Class-Who-Will-Remain-Anonymous-To-Spare-Him-Future-Embarrassment is cute?”

“Yes, she’s a cute little girl.  Why do you like her?”

“Umm…because she’s cute.  (Insert ‘duh mom’ eye roll)  What’s your favorite color?”  Apparently, he didn’t want to further discuss Cute Girl.

“Blue.  What’s your favorite book?”

“The Magic Treehouse books.  What was your favorite book when you were a little girl?”

“Hmmm…I had so many!  I’ll go with Anne of Green Gables and the Nancy Drew books.  What’s your favorite movie?”

“Mom!  You know I have a bunch!  Alvin and the Chipmunks, Sharkboy and Lavagirl, SpyKids, Charlotte’s Web, Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles...”

“Ok, sorry I asked.  You can stop now.”  <giggling>

“Who was your best friend when you were a little girl?  Not high school, when you were little.”

“At school, it was a girl named Denise.  In our neighborhood, it was Anna and Amanda.  Who’s your best friend?”

“Grant!  You should know that!”  <laughing hysterically at my stupidity>

After a few moments of quiet thought…“I can’t think of any more right now.  You can ask me more, though.”

“Ok, how do you feel about having a brother who’s special?”

Continue reading

Phil-ism Friday #6…Unappreciated Daddy

With some of the things that The Younger Boy has told his teachers, I can just imagine what they think of us.  No, really.  We are normal!  You believe me, don’t you?  Well, don’t ya?!?

Earlier this week, Philip came home with a journal/sketch pad that was made in class.  I flipped through it, admiring his art work, when something caught my eye.  Apparently, the class had an assignment focusing on their dads.  From what I understand, the kids had to write out something that their dad taught them and draw a corresponding picture. Continue reading

Kids These Days…

“What is wrong with these young people?!?”

I find myself saying this often lately, and every time I utter this phrase, I get depressed.  Not because of the state of the world, but because when you start fussing about “kids these days”, you realize that you are no longer one of them.  No worries.  I’m not looking into nursing homes quite yet.

Completely irrelevant, but this totally cracked me up.

I do wonder about the younger generations, though.  I’m generalizing, of course.  But, for the most part, they seem to be spoiled and lazy.  Hard work seems to be a foreign concept to most, and there is definitely a sense of entitlement with these people.  Why they think they deserve everything to be given to them is a mystery to me.  You want something?  Work for it.  Period.  No one owes you anything.

Again–irrelevant, but funny.

Every once in a while, though, something wonderful happens, and my faith is renewed in the future.  We had such an experience this past weekend. Continue reading