The Misadventures of Puck

We have joined the legions of other parents in doing the whole “Elf on the Shelf” thing, but as I stated in this previous post, we are doing things a little differently than normal.

Just to recap, our elf was kicked out of the North Pole.  Apparently, he had an unfortunate fruitcake accident and has been acting like a little jerk ever since.  Seeing that he needed some discipline, Santa left him here so the boys can teach him to be good again.

There will actually be a lesson for the kids in the end of all this.  But, for now, I’m just using this elf for my own selfish entertainment purposes.

Here are his adventures since last week:

 

Day 9…Puck “steals” the canned goods from The Younger Boy’s food drive to make a throne for himself.  He then proceeds to eat a cookie.  Because he is a selfish jerk.

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Day 10…Puck finds a way to deal, while living with our family.  Not the best way to handle your problems, pal.

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I can’t believe we found alcohol in our house!  The Husband and I aren’t drinkers (not that we are against alcohol, we just don’t drink it), the wine was left over from a recent party and I think the Crown Royal was a gift years ago.  If Crown ages, it should be pretty good by now!

After the night of drunkenness, Philip felt like Puck needed an intervention.  So, when he got home from school, he made this:

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According to Philip, Puck would be nicer if he had a warm bed.  Seeing a need to be filled, he made Puck a room, complete with a bed, blanket, pillow, and even a book!  I’m so glad he’s promoting literacy!

On another note, I know this is all fun and games, but I am glad that Philip is showing compassion.  He said that sometimes people are mean because they have a sad life (like not having a home), and that we should help people, rather than judge them.  There’s a lesson that we can all learn…such a smart boy!

 

Day 11…Puck makes it personal when he messes with my yarn.

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Not really.  I wasn’t going to use this yarn anyway.  I’m not one to make an unnecessary mess…”ain’t nobody got time for that!”

 

Day 12…Tired of us, Puck attempts to escape.

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Day 13…Puck shows how much of a sicko he is when he takes apart the Lego people.

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The next morning, The Husband says, “Philip!  I can’t believe that Puck decapitated your Lego people!”

To which Philip responded, “That’s ok Dad.  I already re-capitated some of them.”

 

Day 14…Puck acts like a teenager and takes a selfie.

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This one really impressed The Younger Boy because later that day, we “found” Puck’s selfie on my phone.

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You can actually see The Husband’s arm in it, but Philip never noticed.  He was in awe of this one, because “There’s no way you did it, Mom!  You’d be in the picture!!!”

I feel like such a liar…

 

Those are the misadventures of Puck so far.  If you’re actually reading this whimsical nonsense, congratulations!!!  You win a prize…or something.

What will happen next?  Will Puck learn to behave himself?  Will he ever stop tormenting our toys?  Can someone so bad ever be good?  (Cue suspenseful music.)

Stay tuned to find out…

 

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Phil-ism Friday…Dear Santa

I know all kids are special in their own ways, but Philip truly amazes me.  Check out his letter to Santa:

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In case you can’t see his words or understand his handwriting/spelling, here’s what his letter says:

Dear Santa,

Merry early Christmas.  Do you ever sleep?  Do you ever vacation?  Puck’s horrible Santa!  I’m a big fan of your work.  How can you get around the world?  How many presents can your gang <make?> in one day?  For Christmas, can I please have=

A Kindle

Legos

Books

Crayons

Coloring Book

Mom to feel good

No weapons in 1 week

Ninjas

Ninja Turtle toys

Movies

***Puck is our horrible Elf on a Shelf.***

I’m on his Christmas list, along with a version of world peace.  How sweet is that?!?  My boys are so exceptional!

On another note, I find it hilarious that he wants there to be no more weapons but then asks for a ninja.  I guess ninjas are so dangerous, they don’t need weapons.

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I also find it disturbing that he is asking for ninjas, rather than ninja toys (as specified for other things).  Is he wanting a real life ninja?  I wouldn’t be surprised if that were the case.  Does Santa deliver other humans as gifts?

If so, I want a maid.

Puck…Friend or Foe?

While unpacking Christmas decorations this year, The Husband came across something we had both forgotten about…an Elf on the Shelf.  I had forgotten that my parents had bought him for us last year after Christmas, and although my boys are a little old for him, I knew we could have some family fun with this little guy.

But what?

See, my boys are 8 and 11, and The Younger Boy is so smart that we think he figured out Santa’s secret in kindergarten.  He was asking many philosophical questions about The Big Guy at the age of 5–it was both impressive and exhausting.  So, I figured he wouldn’t believe that some toy we found in a box of decorations suddenly came alive each night.

Plus, I kind of have a problem with the whole “Elf is watching you” concept.  Isn’t that what Santa is supposed to do?  And, my kids don’t need to worry about elves and Santa watching anyway–Mom and Dad are much scarier.  My boys are supposed to behave simply because they are called to by following God’s Commandments; not because it reaps new toys on Christmas morning.

So, after giving it some thought, I decided to be selfish and have some fun with the Elf that would be entertaining to me.  I know, it’s supposed to be for kids.  They’re enjoying this too, trust me.

Without further adieu, here’s our spin on the Elf on the Shelf:

In usual Elf on the Shelf fashion, he was dropped off by Santa.

Actually, he was thrown out of the North Pole.

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Kicking and screaming, Puck (notice his name is Puck?  We don’t even have cutesy elf names in this house, we go the literary route.  We’re weird, I know…)  was brought here against his will.  Apparently, he had an unfortunate fruitcake accident, and for unknown reasons, has been acting like a little jerk ever since.  So, the boys have to teach the Elf to be good so he can return to the North Pole.

That should be a challenge…

Day 2…Puck shows the other toys that there’s a new sheriff in town.

Showing the toys who's boss!

Showing the toys who’s boss!

The Younger Boy got a huge kick out of this.  He woke up in the morning, running in our room and giggling, saying “I knew Puck was bad, but I didn’t know he was that bad!”

Day 3…Puck sets up in the shower curtain to peep on bathroom goers.

Little pervert...

Little pervert…

The kids couldn’t even find him this morning.  I had to give hints–“I think he’s violating your privacy today…don’t go to the bathroom without making sure you’re alone…we need to find him, I think he needs psychiatric help.”

I know this one is a bit inappropriate, but I feel it’s only fitting for such a creepy looking toy!    Look at that face!

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Just LOOK at it, y’all!  Who made this thing?  Can you imagine that conversation?

Let’s make an Elf that watches the kids!  

That’s a great idea!  But, what should said elf look like?

Magical?  Nah.

Cute?  Nah.

Creepy?  Yes!  Yes, that’s it!  Let’s give him eyes that follow you around the room and a smile that you only see on pedophiles!  That’s more than appropriate for kids!  I mean, he IS watching them, right?

When The Husband first took him out of the box, he put him on the couch, close to me.  This is what I saw every time I looked over my shoulder:

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At first I laughed, but over time, I got thoroughly weirded out.  Even The Younger Boy said he looked like a stalker.  Actually, he referred to it as a “Christmas-time Chucky.”  (Have I mentioned lately that I love that kid?)

Day 4…Puck calls out for help.

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Day 5…Puck continues to torment the toys.

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Day 6 & 7…Puck flirts with our angel.

Hey Baby, what's your sign?

Hey Baby, what’s your sign?

And it looks like she’s not having any of it!  Stay strong, sister, stay strong!

The boys slept away, so the angel was stuck with Puck for 2 days.

Day 8…Let them eat cake!

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We had a birthday party for The Older Boy yesterday, so Puck ate some cake in the middle of the night.

 

There you have it.  The adventures of Puck thus far.

What will become of our new friend/nemesis?  Will he learn to be good?  Is there any hope for him?

I never miss an opportunity to teach the boys something worthy.  So, there will be a lesson in the end of all of this, and it will tie into our faith.

Stay tuned…  :)